The hubs and I each have one brother. Mine is older, his is younger. I would say neither of us have great relationship with either of our brothers. I see mine occasionally, if he happens to be at my parents house when I am, the hubs doesn't see his much at all. Mine is extremely smart and could be so much more than he is. This absolutely frustrates me to no end. He chooses to do just enough to get by, when he has been given opportunity after opportunity to achieve above and beyond, again he chooses not to. When it is not enough to get by, he knows that he can always find someone to help him out.
The hubs brother had a rough start. Some I do blame him for, some I do not. Regardless, he says he is trying to turn his life around. I hope that he can. He also does just enough to get by, and when its not enough, it becomes someone elses problem, just like it does with my brother.
The hubs and I have worked very hard to have what we have, live where we do, drive what we drive, and do the things we want to do. In the beginning? Boy howdy was it ever hard. We didn't have money, we struggled. I stayed home with Katie and babysat another little boy during the week and then worked weekends on top on that. Hubs worked extremely hard trying to show the people where he worked that he wanted to move up in the company. ( He has come a long way and still works very hard at what he does, and is good at it). In the beginning, we took a calculator with us to the grocery store so we didn't spend more than we had, we would have rather had our eyes poked out with sharp swords than to not have enough money for what was in our cart. We didn't eat out, we didn't go to movies, we didn't do anything because we just didn't have the money to do those kind of things.
Our brothers on the other hand? They don't always have money to pay rent or to pay other bills, but they (mine) is also going to the movies, eating out and going out with friends. I assume Hubs brother does the same thing, as he also likes to share stories about how much beer he drinks on any given weekend.
This past weekend, the hubs brother called needing money. I pretty much said no flat out. My attitude to start with was, no one ever helped us, why should we help them. Sound pissy? Well it is. We have not seen the BIL since Thanksgiving, he called Christmas morning upset that his girlfriends kids weren't going to have any gifts (kids who we have never met) etc... Hubs stopped what he was doing i.e. spending time with his own child, went to the only place that was open and bought what he could for these kids. Did we get a thank you? I don't care (much) about getting one for the stuff, I care that we didn't get one for the effort, because it took time away from our child's day. My brother does the same type of thing, waiting until the very last second and then asks for (demands) help. I am tired of playing the game with both of them.
Still though, they continue to be the "golden children" in our parents eyes. All I ever hear about is how nice it is that my brother comes over all the time. Um, its because he is looking for a free meal or a handout. MIL thinks her "baby" walks on water and that everything that has happened to him had to be someone else's fault.
I wish that just once when I saw their numbers on the caller I.D. my stomach wouldn't get twisted in knots. I sent my brother a text this morning asking him a question he called back right away histerically upset that he didn't know what I was talking about. He says no one told him. I find that very hard to believe. Do you think I could have pulled that card from the deck and said Oh I am sorry I didn't know? When pigs fly maybe.
I feel like there are different expectations for each of us kids, which are all different and all unequal. Should the hubs and I continue to be the ones to help the other ones out because we choose to work harder than they? Why shouldn't they be expected to work harder so we can have a slack day here and there? Neither of our brothers have children, we do, we have someone to support that isn't old enough to have a job or take care of herself. You dear brothers are plenty old enough to do just that. Would you please start soon?
The hubs brother had a rough start. Some I do blame him for, some I do not. Regardless, he says he is trying to turn his life around. I hope that he can. He also does just enough to get by, and when its not enough, it becomes someone elses problem, just like it does with my brother.
The hubs and I have worked very hard to have what we have, live where we do, drive what we drive, and do the things we want to do. In the beginning? Boy howdy was it ever hard. We didn't have money, we struggled. I stayed home with Katie and babysat another little boy during the week and then worked weekends on top on that. Hubs worked extremely hard trying to show the people where he worked that he wanted to move up in the company. ( He has come a long way and still works very hard at what he does, and is good at it). In the beginning, we took a calculator with us to the grocery store so we didn't spend more than we had, we would have rather had our eyes poked out with sharp swords than to not have enough money for what was in our cart. We didn't eat out, we didn't go to movies, we didn't do anything because we just didn't have the money to do those kind of things.
Our brothers on the other hand? They don't always have money to pay rent or to pay other bills, but they (mine) is also going to the movies, eating out and going out with friends. I assume Hubs brother does the same thing, as he also likes to share stories about how much beer he drinks on any given weekend.
This past weekend, the hubs brother called needing money. I pretty much said no flat out. My attitude to start with was, no one ever helped us, why should we help them. Sound pissy? Well it is. We have not seen the BIL since Thanksgiving, he called Christmas morning upset that his girlfriends kids weren't going to have any gifts (kids who we have never met) etc... Hubs stopped what he was doing i.e. spending time with his own child, went to the only place that was open and bought what he could for these kids. Did we get a thank you? I don't care (much) about getting one for the stuff, I care that we didn't get one for the effort, because it took time away from our child's day. My brother does the same type of thing, waiting until the very last second and then asks for (demands) help. I am tired of playing the game with both of them.
Still though, they continue to be the "golden children" in our parents eyes. All I ever hear about is how nice it is that my brother comes over all the time. Um, its because he is looking for a free meal or a handout. MIL thinks her "baby" walks on water and that everything that has happened to him had to be someone else's fault.
I wish that just once when I saw their numbers on the caller I.D. my stomach wouldn't get twisted in knots. I sent my brother a text this morning asking him a question he called back right away histerically upset that he didn't know what I was talking about. He says no one told him. I find that very hard to believe. Do you think I could have pulled that card from the deck and said Oh I am sorry I didn't know? When pigs fly maybe.
I feel like there are different expectations for each of us kids, which are all different and all unequal. Should the hubs and I continue to be the ones to help the other ones out because we choose to work harder than they? Why shouldn't they be expected to work harder so we can have a slack day here and there? Neither of our brothers have children, we do, we have someone to support that isn't old enough to have a job or take care of herself. You dear brothers are plenty old enough to do just that. Would you please start soon?
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